Wally Nunn: Delaware County Councilwoman Shaefer unveils bold summer health plan: Free condoms, Code Red alerts, and maybe ED drugs

Delaware County Councilwoman Elaine Paul Schaefer held a press conference yesterday to unveil the County’s groundbreaking summer health plan. 

She opened by dismissing criticism of the new $20 million-a-year Health Department as “base partisan attacks,” despite the fact that some complaints came from nonpartisan groups like the Elderly but Cognitively Aware (EBCA).

EBCA members took issue with the Health Department’s distribution of free condoms and tampons, chanting “What’s in it for me?” during the conference. Councilwoman Shaefer calmed the restless crowd by acknowledging their limited need for these items, but offered hope by announcing the County’s plans to provide free ED drugs for elderly men. Reports indicate several EBCA gentlemen smiled broadly, while their wives looked less enthusiastic.

Turning to the pressing issue of extreme heat, Councilwoman Shaefer outlined the County’s multi-pronged approach to protect DELCO citizens, especially seniors:

• Code Red Weather Alerts: “We’ll have someone glued to the Weather Channel at all times. When it’s going to be hot, we’ll announce it right here. We’re calling it Code Red, so you know we really, really mean it.”

• Air-Conditioning Advice: “We strongly recommend that people without air conditioning go somewhere that has it.”

• Reminding COSA: “We’ll alert the County Office of Services for the Aging (COSA) to keep doing exactly what they’ve been doing for decades — helping vulnerable seniors. Even though they already know their jobs, we’ll remind them just in case they forget.”

• The Red Cross App Solution: “We encourage everyone to download the free Red Cross First Aid app, which includes everything I’m telling you — and much more. By outsourcing this information to the app, we save taxpayer money, which we can use to hire even more really, really smart people at six-figure salaries.”

Councilwoman Shaefer closed with a promise: “you can rely on your county government to continue to expand these valuable programs. We hope you will begin to understand why your property taxes will continue to increase. Remember we know better.”

Wally Nunn is the former Chairman of Delaware County Council.