Wally Nunn: Sabotage!
In a press conference today, Governor Josh Shapiro denounced the news outlet Broad + Liberty for what he called “a blatant attempt to undermine American democracy — by way of journalism.” The Governor accused the site of “deliberately spreading Russian disinformation,” in reference to its reporting on deleted emails allegedly tied to a sexual harassment incident within his administration.
“There is no scandal,” Shapiro insisted. “Only sabotage — by Putin, personally.” The Governor explained that the Russian leader is “terrified” of his likely presidential run, noting, “The Kremlin fears me because I use semicolons in speeches.”
To bolster his case, Shapiro appeared flanked by disinformation veterans Hunter Biden and Hillary Clinton— two public figures widely reported (by friendly outlets) to be victims of similar Kremlin meddling. “These are my truth warriors,” Shapiro said, gesturing toward the duo. “They know a smear job when they see one. Especially when it involves laptops or email servers.”
When asked to provide evidence linking Russia to the deleted emails, the Governor cited national security. “I could show you the proof, but then I’d have to redact you,” he quipped. “Let’s just say our top people are on it. Very top. So top, they’re confidential.”
Legal analysts note that intentional deletion of emails could be a felony under Pennsylvania law, which makes the Russian scapegoat angle all the more convenient. “If Russia did it,” Shapiro added, “then I didn’t. And if I didn’t, I’m still on track for Iowa.”
The Governor ended the press conference with a heartfelt thank-you to the media. “I want to recognize the mainstream press for their restraint in not reporting this insidious assault on my destiny,” he said. “Broad + Liberty alone covered it — were they useful idiots for Putin, or just tragically curious? History will judge.”
In a rare moment of transparency, the Philadelphia Inquirer issued a brief statement following the press conference:
“We thank the Governor for appreciating our discretion. As with Hunter’s laptop and Hillary’s server, we bravely chose to not investigate anything that could be inconvenient.”
Wally Nunn is the former Chairman of Delaware County Council.