‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the state

There were people who hoped they could still celebrate

All the usual things that the holidays brought

Even though this last year had been trying and fraught

The Republicans sought to recover from wins

That the Democrats gained with some healthy margins

From Shapiro the Governor, basking in glory

To elections in Philly, a battlefield gory

Where GOP power was wholly negated

By socialist bigots who seemed so elated

That now they could force every landlord to host

Every squatter in Philly, their business now toast

And who had a big problem condemning Hamas

When it seemed that straight white men were making them cross

But the Democrats weren’t all jolly and gay,

If the truth must be told, they were filled with dismay

At the realization that not every friend,

They had worked to elect, had come through in the end

When they saw that their champion, Joan of Rittenhouse Park,

Also known as Miss Helen, had fallen apart

And would not be the Mayor of Soviet Philly

They had a big meltdown, and acted so silly.

And it got even worse, when the man they’d elected

The guy with the sweatshirts, the one they’d expected

To follow the script from the Squad and the leftists

Turned out to have thoughts of his own, they said “eff this”

And started to call him all sorts of mean things

Like the ones they had saved for the evil Right Wing

They were sickened that Fetterman chose to persist

In declaring that Israel deserved to exist

And that maybe we should take a look at the border

‘Cause it might be a good thing to work for some order

Since a lot of the chaos down Mexico way

Could be coming quite soon to the folks in PA.

So the big Philly party they threw for Cherelle

When she won her own race, wasn’t going so well

And then after they heard that she liked stop and frisk

They all choked on their tofu, and raised their proud fists

And said “we simply cannot let her ruin this town,

With her crazy beliefs that crime rates should go down

We must make deadly certain that thieves are protected

And murderers skate, that’s why Dems are elected!”

And they hoped that Shapiro, the Democrat-in-Chief

Would agree with their theories of coddling the thief

But it’s rather unlikely he’ll leave them contented

Just like Senator Fetterman, who they now call demented

Since it’s awfully clear that progressives don’t get

What the rest of us know, and they’ve seemed to forget

That while Philly might seem like a blue paradise

Insulated from GOP power and “lies”

It’s just one little part of the whole Commonwealth

And the rest of the folks care about their own health

And about their own safety

And their children, and schools

And they don’t really like to be treated like fools

And they don’t like to see people marching with glee

For terrorist screaming “from river to sea”

And they don’t like to hear about “Diversity,”

If that means they can’t tell the truth that “she” is a “he”.

And they don’t like to live in a state where it’s great

To be lectured on values by some reprobate

Who managed to hang on for more than a bit

To his seat in the capitol, and sit, and still sit

Even though it was clear he’d abused and harassed

A whole bunch of women, a whole bunch, alas

And this was because this allowed all the Dems

To keep a majority, by one vote, ahem

And although they’d accused lots of GOP guys

Of similar actions, and similar vice

They seemed to be fine with this one of their own

Which made the conservatives mutter and moan

But it’s always been thus, never changing you see

Politicians steal presents from their sworn enemies

And they don’t wish them well as the carols resound

And they don’t give them hugs, no best wishes abound

And the only thing sure, as the holiday nears

Are the frowns and the grimaces, snickers and sneers

And ‘twas ever this way, and ‘twill ever be so

Merry Christmas you say? That’s a…Ho Ho Ho…No.

Christine Flowers is an attorney and lifelong Philadelphian. @flowerlady61